CHRISTMAS GIFT ETIQUETTE

Dec 1, 2023
Christmas , Gift Guides

Kate Bulpitt

Ah, Christmas presents… they look so exciting, and so full of promise, when nestled under the tree. But this festive gift-giving and receiving is jam-packed with elfy conundrums, and can feel fraught with (minor) consumer danger. Are gift cards good - or inglorious? Are met requests best, or should you go off-piste and pick a surprise? Is giving a household appliance, diet book, or jelly dildo a good idea? And is regifting ever acceptable? Fret not - we have answers to these, and many more etiquette quandaries!

In fact, we’ve chatted with a bunch of folk to get some handy tips and tales which will hopefully unwrap (boom boom) any gifting predicaments you might have. So, pour yourself a mulled wine, and let us guide you along the paper-chain-adorned path to etiquette enlightenment...

DO… Be thoughtful

The key principle for gift-giving is thoughtful consideration of your loved one's preferences. Avoid choosing based on your own desires or settling for the first or last-minute options. A truly considerate gift, reflecting your deep understanding of the recipient, holds the magic of meaningfulness.

Ryan Shrime

"I had one really good Christmas gift year, where in addition to a small gift, I asked everyone what they desired most in their lives. And then I scoured the city to find a piece of artwork or sculpture that I felt most embodied the image that they portrayed to me. The one that resonates the most is a statue of a couple I gave my sister, because the next year she met her husband, and she always says that the statue was in the back of her mind when it was happening. Could be coincidence, sure, but I like to think being around those visuals helped solidify things for her! It was the most meaningful gifting season for me, and I’ve always wanted to find something similar, so that I’m not just buying stuff."

Ryan Shrime is a multi-talented actor/writer/producer based in California.

Abby Hitchcock

"Completely unthoughtful presents are just so annoying. Most people can't help but give presents that they would like but sometimes it's clear that it really should for the gift giver, not the receiver."

Abby Hitchcock is a Chef, and Owner of New York City restaurant, camaje.

DO… Give something useful

Another valuable gift-giving tip is selecting something practical for the recipient's use. While whimsical or decorative items can be winners if aligned with the recipient's taste, it's worth considering gifts that serve a purpose. In a world already burdened with excessive possessions, opting for purposeful gifts doesn't negate the potential for enjoyment or beauty!

Why not give them this At-Home Crafting Kit? For a stressed-out employee, their desk becomes the place they tend to spend most of their day, and where they keep a lot of their things. Help them relieve that stress with this kit where they make their own tiny leather desk tidy which can store their keys, loose change, or anything else that makes their space feel a bit cluttered.

Julia Kite

"Make sure it’s something useful! Think, is this likely to stay in the recipient’s junk drawer or just gather dust until they throw it away? Do they actually want it or need it? When it doubt, socks. I know it’s boring. I know. But whoever receives them is guaranteed to need a pair at some point. Just not plain white ones. That’s unacceptable. Have a tasteful snowflake pattern at the very minimum."

Julia Kite is a transportation policy advisor in New York City, volunteer at a wild bird rehabilitator at a rescue centre, and a writer. Her debut novel is The Hope and Anchor.

Fiona Stocker

"I have to say, my mother still sends me underpants occasionally. I’m fifty-three. It’s done with love; she loves Marks & Spencers, and thinks I do too. I don’t mind Marks & Spencers, but we do have department stores in Australia, and they sell quite passable underwear. The really annoying thing is, the ones she sends me are quite nice and I usually end up wearing them and hoping for more."

Fiona Stocker is a writer who recently published the memoir, Apple Island Wife - Slow Living in Tasmania. She lives in Australia with her husband and children, and is co-owner of a small family farm and food business.

DON’T… Miss the gift-giving target

These days we’re of course spoiled with an absurd amount of choice, and can be pretty persnickety about having exactly what we like. Back in the day, a person might have asked for some cereal bowls for Christmas, and been thrilled when they received them. Now, there might be a tinge of disappointment at being given the ones painted with artisan stripes instead of roller-skating hedgehogs. So there’s often pressure to pick exactly the right thing… which can be awkward for both gift-giver and giftee. As our correspondents can attest:

Sean Leahy

"I once gave my mother in law (via my wife) VERY specific instructions of a particular football I wanted (yes I'm in my 30s, and yes it is important). She managed to get almost every detail wrong, and even though I thought I kept a good poker face, my wife soon made sure that was wasted. Horrible."

Sean Leahy is a Graphic Designer. He writes jokes on Twitter, as @thepunningman, to much acclaim (in fact, he’s been featured in Playboy’s 50 Funniest People on Twitter, and appeared on Buzzfeed, Comedy Central, The Poke, Huffington Post, Funny or Die and TimeOut). He also wrote a children's book called The Monster Café.

Tabatha Stirling

"OMG! This is to my husband. If you ask me what I want and I tell you in detail, why do you go off and buy something loosely connected to the thing I wanted but also completely wrong? If I want black - he buys iridescent mustard. Low key - I get high res. Classic flavour - I get an experimental curry and raspberry bar of the bitterest dark chocolate imaginable. He makes it all about him. Even with gifts!"

Tabatha Stirling is an Edinburgh-based writer, poet, book cover artist and indie publisher. Her novel Bitter Leaves will be published in 2019.

Website: www.stirlingpublishing.co.uk

Twitter: @volequeen & @stirlingpublish

Emily Gordon

"Having asked for a “wooden salad bowl” one Christmas, I got a small wooden bowl that could serve one person one small pile of salad. The single-est salad bowl ever to grace a table, solitarily."

Emily Gordon is an editor, writer, and self-proclaimed internet person. She works in media relations for an American business school and is writing a book about cavemen.

...Which leads us to suggest that if you’ve asked someone to tell you exactly what they’d like, try and nab that thing, if you can. As with Tabatha’s frustrations, doing this can be not so much about the gift itself, but letting your loved one know that you’ve heard them. If you’re unsure about snapping up a version of a thing that will be to your recipient’s taste, you could choose, and give an accompanying gift receipt - or instead, give money or a gift card to be used specifically for that item. You could wrap a fun item to go with it - so, if they’d requested cereal bowls, give them the gift card with a box of Shreddies (or whatever their favourite cereal is!). Alternatively, if you’d rather not be constrained by a very precise request - which does naturally take some of the fun out of giving - don’t ask for ideas, and instead go off-piste, picking what you think your recipient will like - bearing in mind that golden rule of gifting, to consider your giftee very carefully!

DO… Check who you should (or shouldn’t!) be buying presents for

Ah yes, it can be an excruciating experience, receiving a gift, somewhat red-faced, as you mutter sheepish excuses about not having anything to hand over in return (or fabricating an improvised story about the dog having eaten it, or a delayed parcel - gosh, isn’t the post slow?).

Lucy Stevenson

"Be clear on if you’re buying presents or not. It’s embarrassing when the emergency gift stash has to spring into action when you receive an albeit kind gift left on your doorstep."

Lucy Stevenson is a pub waitress, NHS mental health support worker and keen photographer. [Instagram: Luce_photos].

DO… Be prepared

What do our advisor elves suggest when it comes to being ahead of the gift-giving game?

Tim Atkinson

"Buy early. When you see something you know someone will like, get it, wrap it, hide it. Just remember where you put it! And always have some extra presents wrapped and ready to put under the tree! Oh, and a hidden supply of labels to hurriedly attach, if need be."

Tim Atkinson is the author of The Glorious Dead.

Tim’s tip about buying early is a good ‘un. Spotted something mid-way through the year that Nana will love? If you have the funds, snap it up when you first see it - financially, you’ll have spread the cost, plus you’ll avoid forgetting what it was or where you saw it, or it not being available when Christmas starts shimmying into view. As you get closer to the holidays, even the least likely things can sell out as everyone starts to roll up their elfy shopping sleeves. I spied a very merry Christmas tree-shaped soap dispenser in mid-November, and thought it’d make a fun gift for a couple of folk - though figured there would hardly be a stampede for such a thing. I swung by a week or so later to stock up - and they were all sold out! Bah humbug.

Lucy Stevenson

"My mum always has a few spare gifts stored in the cupboard ready to be wrapped in a hurry if needs be.  One year my grandmother accidentally gave my gifts when I was a small child to my male, sport enthusiast cousins! They weren’t so impressed to be receiving Barbie dolls that year…"

Mia Underwood

"A friend of mine buys in bulk lots of books for kids and adults and gives them out to all her friends, very clever."

Mia Underwood is a Designer, Illustrator and author of a number of books, including the forthcoming Secret Woodland Activity Book, plus forthcoming My First Needle-Felting Book: 30 Adorable Animal Projects for Children Aged 7+ and Needle-Felted Animals: 35 Furry Friends to Create..

Website: www.miaunderwood.co.uk

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/miaunderwoodartist/

DO… Make a list, and check it twice

Here’s a tip from Oli:

Oli Jacobs

"Lists are your friends. Surprises are the enemy. Socks are essential after 30."

Oli Jacobs is author of a number of sci-fi novels and eclectic short story collections. His upcoming horror novel, Deep Down There, is currently available for pre-order.

He’s right that lists can obviously make for swell assistance - plus there’s the great, age-old satisfaction in being able to tick things off (I even put checkboxes on mine - bliss). Write your own wish list to aid friends ‘n’ relatives, or if you’re stuck for ideas, request them from others. My cousin was a pro with this - she would get both her children to compile a list - complete with Argos catalogue page numbers! - that was then forwarded to the family for everyone to pick from, if they were in the market for suggestions. The young ‘uns were happy to be bought something else entirely, but the lists were excellent for nabbing something you knew they’d really like.

Then there’s the list comprising who you need to buy for - handy when you’re ambling round the shops, delirious from having heard ‘I Wish it Could Be Christmas Every Day’ twenty seven times within two hours, and need a refresher as to whose gifts you’ve yet to stumble on…

DO... or DON’T? Giving gift cards and cold, hard cash

Controversial! As you can see from these responses, how well a gift card or cash will be received depends on who you’re giving it to...

Tim Atkinson

"Giving cash is always bad form. If you can't be bothered to think of even the smallest thing that might make somebody smile, then don't bother. That said, I'm not about to turn anyone down!"

Oli Jacobs

"I’m not a huge fan of gift cards, despite them allowing more flexibility for the recipient. It just strikes as unoriginal or lazy on the part of the giver."

Though on the other hand…

Tommy Stewart

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with gift cards. Times are different and I think it is great for someone to allow you to go and get something you know you want."

Tommy Stewart is a Freelance Comedy Writer/Producer and Broadcaster.

Personally, I’d say a gift card is perfectly decent - just make sure it’s for a shop you know your recipient likes. Otherwise you’ll have generously invested in something which your giftee might find tricky to spend. So if cousin Laura couldn’t give two hoots about fashion, she may not be wild about the Topshop token, and the burger chain voucher for your vegan nephew is likely to gather dust somewhere.

If you are opting for a voucher, perhaps to add a little thought, give a small additional treat as an accompaniment - either something related to the gift card (so, say it’s a Costa card, get them a reusable cup - and on that note, these Thermos ones are great), or a fun thing, like a bar of Christmas chocolate.

Another option for giving dosh is to send a bank transfer - with a jolly message. As a way of letting your recipient know about the donation - and a fun thing to open - you could send a message wrapped in these banknote tissues.

While we’re here, you may still send, or receive, cheques (yes, they do still exist!). I’m old school, and love them, but my cousin (not a fan of having to traipse into the bank) always says that if someone has given him a cheque it’s as though they don’t want him to have the money (I know, harsh!). Remember though, that not everyone who might want to gift you money will have your bank details, or the ability to do a bank transfer. In which case, be appreciative of the cheque - it’s still money! And as Emily says:

Emily Gordon

"If you’re slipping someone a cheque (why, thank you!), don’t make a big thing of waiting until they see the amount. Let them thank you for the thought, not the value."

DON’T... Be too generous (if your recipient is strapped for cash)

We can all find ourselves under pressure to splash out at Christmas, not only to spend our hard-earned dosh on things that we’re not always sure the recipient will like (eek), but worse, on gifts that we can’t necessarily afford.